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You're lost, aren't you?

24/2/2016

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Game Development is a funny thing. I always like to think of it as trying to make a sculpture out of just dirt. You start out, and you're like, 'Shit I know exactly what to do, gotta get this handful here and that one needs to go there, and it'll all add up to that.' and you just get to working. You put together the handfuls and it's great, you sit back and you're super excited that you got some little effect just right. Then you take a step back and you see you've spent four months just tinkering with the big toe on one foot of the sculpture. No biggie right? It's what you gotta do, so you keep working. Hundreds of hours come and go, just tapping away furiously on that keyboard. Eventually you've got each foot together, and it took you way less time than the big toe, but then something happens that changes how you look at your sculpture.

Then you catch a glimpse of one of the guys making a sculpture near you. Not only is his sculpture damn great looking, he's also making it out of a material far better than  dirt, but he's also only been working on his for like, a half hour. You're overcome with a futile feeling. I mean, if this guy's making that fantastic thing so quick and well, why would anyone even look at your thing? Why would you even keep working on yours if it's not gonna be special? If no one's gonna appreciate it, especially when it's going on display next to all these really beautiful statues? 

That's where the allegory ends, just sitting in awe of this other guys statue. I run into this a lot, in  a world where all these fantastic games are either here or coming soon, things like Strafe and Nuclear Throne, who needs some college student's little top down shooter about blasting space pirates and spooky plants? What am I doing spending all this time cobbling together a game out of spare parts and bubblegum? 

I guess I don't have a really good answer to my question. The best I do is to keep my head down, I guess I've been doing this long enough to know that, but is that good? Shouldn't I have a greater goal? I really don't know. I mean, it's not like I can stop, things always go bad when I don't make things.

So maybe in the end I don't have a choice. Maybe it's all a compulsion? Maybe I keep my head down and code because I die , in a way, if I don't. 

I dunno.

Well, that's what's on my mind at the moment, it's a little bit of a downer. 

Wyatt White
An Ego Echo Chamber
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